Nic Cage as Mitch Buchannon

Some people stand in darkness, afraid to step into the light. Some people need to help somebody when the edge of surrender is in sight. Don't you worry, it's going to be all right, 'cause Dave Bisson is always there.

Nic Cage as Michaele Salahi

Submitted by Patrick Sarni, who once crashed a Bush administration party and requested "Everything Zen" from the house band.

Nic Cage as Jack Sparrow

Submitted by Patrick Sarni, savvy?

Nic Cage as Karl Childers

Nic Cage as Bliss Cavendar

When a problem comes along, Matt Monaco whips it.

Nic Cage as Jennifer

Matt Monaco's submission based on what he describes as "a beautiful dream".

Nic Cage as Egon Spengler

Nic Cage as Willy Wonka

Nic Cage as Seth

Nic Cage as Mohandas K. Gandhi

Nic Cage as Jake Sully and Jake Sully's Avatar

Matt Monaco has thrown down the gauntlet for Patrick Sarni. FIGHT!

Nic Cage as The Punisher

Nic Cage as John Mayer

My Sarni is a wonderland.

Nic Cage as Dr. Manhattan

Who watches Patrick Sarni?

Nic Cage as Kenny Fisher

Yo, P-Sarn's gotsta get sex tonight.

Nic Cage as Eric Draven

Patrick Sarni fires it up! Fires it up! Fires it up!

Nic Cage as Baby Jane Hudson

Ethan Weinstock IS still in that chair.

Nic Cage as Crocodile Dundee

Nic Cage as Ashley "Ash" J. Williams

Nic Cage as Buzz Lightyear

Patrick Sarni once again goes to infinity and beyond with this trilogy.

Nic Cage as The Cowardly Lion

Patrick Sarni sends them, and I put 'em up, put em' up.

Nic Cage as Tyler Durden

His name is Patrick Sarni. His name is Patrick Sarni. HIS NAME IS PATRICK SARNI!

Nic Cage as Eric Schlosser

Nic Cage as The Joker

Patrick Sarni has too much time on his hands.

Nic Cage as Michael Meyers

Submitted by Patrick Sarni, son of Dr. Sam Loomis, who changed his name so as not to be associated with the Haddonfield murders.

Nic Cage as Dre and Mr. Han

Nic Cage as Freddy Krueger

Submitted by Patrick Sarni, who calls himself "The Dream Master" in mixed company.

Nic Cage as Miranda Priestly

The devil wears Prada. Patrick Sarni wears sweatpants.

Nic Cage as Ralph White

Nic Cage as Kramer, George Costanza, Elaine Benes, and Jerry Seinfeld

Dave Bisson's submission about nothing.

Nic Cage as Leigh Anne Tuohy

Nic Cage as Bernie Lomax

Submitted by Ethan Weinstock, who is oddly mistaken for both Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman on a daily basis.

Nic Cage as Carrie Bradshaw

Submitted by Ethan "Mr. Big" Weinstock.

Nic Cage as Rocky Balboa

Matt Monaco is gonna eat lightnin' and crap thunder!

Nic Cage as George Bailey

Some of you may have spent the holiday weekend wondering about the last post. "Who is Matt Monaco?" you said to yourself. Well, imaginary friend, this is Matt Monaco's work. Let it speak for itself.

Nic Cage as Matt Monaco

Nic Cage as Junior

Nic Cage as Mrs. Weiss

Submitted by Ethan Weinstock, based on the novel "Push" by Sapphire.

Nic Cage as Harvey Milk

His name is Patrick Sarni, and he's here to submit you.

Nic Cage as Henry "Indiana" Jones, Jr.

Fortune and Sarni, kid. Fortune and Sarni.